Rough Day Part 1

Every first friday of the month, I go to "mom's group" at my church. I really look forward to that time to connect with other moms. Three of us have babies within two months of eachother. There are also two women who are due to give birth this month. As well as a couple moms who have children a little bit older. Anyway, it was devastatingly apparent to me yesterday, how much larger I am than all the other moms... including the two pregnant ones! One of the women whose daughter is two months older than my son, used to be the same size as me. However, she has dropped serious amounts of weight in the past four months. She looks amazing! I think to myself, if she can do it, I should be able to as well. What was it that got her motivated? How did she stick to it? Why am I struggling so much? Another mom, whose daughter is 3 weeks older than my son, was literally a size 2 again the moment her baby was born. Are they predisposed to being thinner, or are they more controlled with what they eat? Maybe a bit of both?
I have found lately that instead of enjoying my time with friends or family, I am constantly thinking about whether people are staring at my big belly or thunder thighs. It is really taking away from my quality of life. I sometimes even cancel plans with people just so I don't have to find something to wear. This is no way to live. You would think I would be so depressed about being a hermit, that I would never touch another piece of chocolate again! Actually, the opposite happens. I am so depressed that I grab for MORE chocolate! Where's the rationalizing in that??? There is none.
On a positive note: I went for a run on Thursday night. It was only for 15 minutes, but it was longer than I've done in a year. I felt so exhilerated afterwards. Especially in the accomplishment that I never stopped once! I've also been running up and down my stairs for exercise. I'm surprised at how much my legs burn, and how much I get winded. It's an awesome way to burn some calories without having to leave the comfort of your home. I'm definitely going to stick with that one.
I had more to post, but Oliver started crying. That is actually a bit of a prelude to what I was going to write about next.......
I will be back a little later today.