Weigh-In Wednesday

Starting weight - 180 lbs
Current weight - 172 lbs
Pounds lost this week - 4
Pounds lost overall - 8

I am very pleased with my weigh-in this week. I was active and I ate healthy. Hard work actually does pay off! I wish I could say I FEEL better, but I don't. I'm pretty sure that's only because I have a horrible chest infection. My lungs feel like they're on fire. Both the kids have it too, but Makenna only has it in her eyes, and Oliver has it in his chest, eyes, nose, and ears. The poor guy! Oliver and I have been to the doctor's already, and have been given prescriptions for antibiotics. Makenna is going today. I sure hope Mick doesn't catch this!
As I stated in my last post, I love the 30 day shred. It's super hard, but super rewarding. I did it again yesterday,  but I felt like my chest would explode by the end of it. I think I'm going to hold off the vigorous exercising until I get better. I also have one of those horrible raspy voices that makes me sound like a man. Fun times!

I just got Shredded!

So I finally tried my 30 minute Shred DVD by Jillian Michaels. Wow, she's not kidding around! I did the beginner level and I felt like I had never worked out a day in my life. I am sweating, panting, and feeling a little wobbly. In other words, I feel FANTASTIC! haha
Hopefully, I'll be able to fit in another workout tomorrow. I think I'm going to get myself a drink of water before I pass out.

A revelation

I feel so renewed and energized! I have had a revelation of sorts. The night I had my melt down and confined in my husband how low and pathetic I had been feeling, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. So many things seemed to become clear in my mind. How selfish and self-loathing I had become. There are millions of people around the world who go hungry every day, and yet I take food for granted, and abuse it on a daily basis. God has given me a perfect body. I am healthy, all my limbs and organs work, and I am destroying myself. I am alive, and have an amazing husband and two beautiful children, and I am killing myself. This world is breathtaking, and yet I sit inside all day, instead of going out and enjoying God's creation. I not only want my life back, but I am taking it back! I have not binged in 3 days! I have not even had the desire to. How silly it seems that my entire existence revolved around food for 9 months of my life.
I know I still have a long road ahead of me, yet I feel like I have already conquered so much in just a few short days. I can't wait to see what tomorrow has in store for me, and the next day after that, and the next day after that!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Starting Weight - 180 lbs
Current Weight - 176 lbs
Pounds lost this week - 0
Pounds lost overall - 4

Well, that's a bit of a disappointment, but I'm not surprised. I have no excuses about why I didn't lose the weight. I didn't lose any weight because I consumed more calories than I burned. It's simple really.
I had a really good cry a few nights ago. I am miserable, and I can't live my life like this anymore. Eating healthy during the day, and stuffing my face all night has become a daily occurence for me. Two nights ago, I finally broke down and confessed my "dirty little secret" to my husband. I need his support. I need to stop torturing myself. My obsession with food has gotten out of control. He didn't say much, but he held me while I sobbed. Confiding in him made me feel a bit stronger. It made me feel like I CAN overcome this. Last night, I ate a 5 calorie Jello-O pack when I felt the urge to binge. Then I went to bed. I know it was only one night, but you wouldn't believe how proud of myself I was.

99 Things

***Here are the rules: Bold the things you’ve done and post on your blog!

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightening storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing (indoor rock climbing)

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Weigh-In Wednesday

Starting weight - 180
Current weight - 176
Pounds lost this week - 2
Pounds lost overall - 4

I know I haven't posted a weigh-in in a while, but that's due to me not doing so well with my weight loss. I think if I make myself accountable by posting every week, no matter what the weight loss outcome is, it will push me a bit harder, because it will be a bit embarrassing if I post the same weight every week!
I purchased The Biggest Loser dvd for my Wii, as well as the 30 Day Shred dvd's by Jillian Michaels. Yesterday I started my BL program. It will take me 12 weeks to complete. I haven't started the 30 day shred, because I will need to wear my running shoes, and I need to buy some indoor ones because my outdoor ones are filthy, and I don't want to ruin my carpet or hardwood (depending which room I exercise in).
Yesterday's routine was yoga. I'm not a huge fan, so I hope today's exercise is a bit more exciting!

10 year reunion

I just got a message from one of the girls from high school saying she was chosen to be in charge of our 10 year high school reunion this June, and she wanted me to be on the planning committee. I, of course, agreed. To be completely honest, I am looking forward to seeing everyone, but I am totally freaked out about looking fat! My weight is at an all-time high (other than when I gave birth to Makenna 5 yrs ago) and I feel utterly depressed. I need to stop talking about losing it, and start actually doing it. I don't understand what my problem is. Every morning, I start out by eating well, but every evening I stuff my face. I have ZERO willpower these days. I think the only way I will be able to resist the urge to binge, is by not having any sugary or fatty foods in the house. I don't know how I will do that though, since Makenna always gets one treat in her lunch, and Mick likes to take a treat for his lunch too.

I know there aren't many people reading my blog, but for the people who are reading it, what are your tricks to staying thin? How do you resist the urge to eat? I LOVE food and I eat even when I'm not hungry. I eat out of boredom a lot as well. I am so angry at myself. I have completely let myself go. I barely ever wear make-up or do my hair. I'm rarely out of my sweatpants. When I met my husband, I always dressed nice and made sure I looked good. I feel bad for him that he works such long hours, and then comes home to me looking like a slob. For some reason, I feel like, "what's the point in trying to dress up, when I'm just going to look fat in my outfit."

Some days I feel so addicted to food, that I think the only way I can prevent myself from overeating, is to just stop eating all together. If someone is addicted to cigarettes, they can quit smoking. You don't need cigarettes to survive. You need food to survive. I think about food ALL day long. As soon as I finish one meal, I'm thinking about what time I'm going to eat my next meal. I have never felt so disappointed in myself. I just don't know what to do.

Tongue-tastic

My little Oliver has an obsession with sticking out his tongue. I don't know if he likes the feel of the breeze, if he's trying to be silly, or if he likes the taste of the air. Whatever the reason, it has been quite interesting trying to capture a picture without it hanging out.

Presenting: Oliver and "the tongue"