10 year reunion

I just got a message from one of the girls from high school saying she was chosen to be in charge of our 10 year high school reunion this June, and she wanted me to be on the planning committee. I, of course, agreed. To be completely honest, I am looking forward to seeing everyone, but I am totally freaked out about looking fat! My weight is at an all-time high (other than when I gave birth to Makenna 5 yrs ago) and I feel utterly depressed. I need to stop talking about losing it, and start actually doing it. I don't understand what my problem is. Every morning, I start out by eating well, but every evening I stuff my face. I have ZERO willpower these days. I think the only way I will be able to resist the urge to binge, is by not having any sugary or fatty foods in the house. I don't know how I will do that though, since Makenna always gets one treat in her lunch, and Mick likes to take a treat for his lunch too.

I know there aren't many people reading my blog, but for the people who are reading it, what are your tricks to staying thin? How do you resist the urge to eat? I LOVE food and I eat even when I'm not hungry. I eat out of boredom a lot as well. I am so angry at myself. I have completely let myself go. I barely ever wear make-up or do my hair. I'm rarely out of my sweatpants. When I met my husband, I always dressed nice and made sure I looked good. I feel bad for him that he works such long hours, and then comes home to me looking like a slob. For some reason, I feel like, "what's the point in trying to dress up, when I'm just going to look fat in my outfit."

Some days I feel so addicted to food, that I think the only way I can prevent myself from overeating, is to just stop eating all together. If someone is addicted to cigarettes, they can quit smoking. You don't need cigarettes to survive. You need food to survive. I think about food ALL day long. As soon as I finish one meal, I'm thinking about what time I'm going to eat my next meal. I have never felt so disappointed in myself. I just don't know what to do.