I wonder.....

I wonder what it's like to be thin your entire life.

I wonder what it's like to never have to worry about what you're eating, when you're eating it, or how many calories you're consuming in a day.

I wonder what it feels like to slip into a size 2 pair of jeans, without even struggling to do up the zipper or get a single roll when leaning over.

I wonder what it feels like to eat fast food, candy, or dessert without feeling embarrassed that someone will judge you and think to themselves, "well, no wonder she's fat."

I wonder what it feels like to stand naked in front of your husband without feeling insecure or wonder if he's staring at your flabby skin and stretch marks.

I wonder what it's like to feel confident in your own skin, and never worry about what anyone else is thinking. To embrace the body that you have, no matter what size or shape it is.

I wonder what it's like to go a single day without thinking about food or weight.....
I hope I live to find out, and break myself from this self-destructive behaviour.

What's the deal?!

I am feeling very frustrated today. I have gone to the gym every day for the past 2 weeks, yet I have GAINED 3 pounds! I have also cut back on my eating, and have reached for healthy snacks as opposed to junk food. I don't understand what I am doing wrong. My husband is home to visit, and has been eating fast food, chips, and ice cream in front of me (all of which I have refrained from eating). He has actually lost almost 10 pounds, because "his job requires up to walk up and down quite a few flights of stairs every night." WHAT THE @#*&!!!!! I am busting my butt at the gym to the point of sheer exhaustion, with sweat flying off my arms and dripping down my back, while my face looks red as a tomato! Not to mention, my entire body aches from the torture I am putting it through.... and yet I have nothing to show for it!
Obviously I am doing something wrong. I just don't know what. I need HELP!